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5 Jan 2008 - Introduction from Steven's Dad
After our farewell to Steven yesterday, I got a lot of comments
from people at the party that night about how the words I spoke for Steven
had made them think or had put into perspective things they had been
wondering or thinking about.
I have reprinted those words here so
that if anyone wants to read them for whatever reason, they are welcome to
do so, I hope they are some comfort.
You will know my (our) pain at
the loss of Steven is intense, today is the day after the funeral, and the
realisation that this is the first day of the rest of my life without
Steven. I know you all miss him as much as we do.
And can I say
also, I am SHOCKING with names, and my memory was always a source of
amusement to Steven so if you see me passing anytime, please stop and
introduce yourself again. Any friend of Steven's is a friend of
mine.
Stephen Cook ("Cote Daddy")
PS; I have also
included the words Steven's Mum spoke for him at the end of mine.
The words below are just as I read them at the funeral. There may be only very slight variation if any, but the meaning remains.
Steven's Eulogy
Firstly, I need to acknowledge Steven's Pallbearers. I truly feel that I've not lost one Son, I've gained 6 more.
And I want to thank Deane McMillan for all
the work in doing an awesome paintjob for Steven's final journey. Deane is
one of my longest friends, and his own son Jay has honoured Steven with a
song. And there are so many others that have worked tirelessly these past
few days, we cannot thank you enough. Family and friends. You have been
truly amazing. Steven would be blown away and real impressed.
This
speech really stressed me last night - I'd worked on fragments of it
through the week, but they were a bit disjointed, I changed this and that,
I knew what I wanted to say, and how I was going to say it but the words
just would not fit.
And we are talking way after midnight here,
and I'm thinking "God, don't let me down on this one, this is the one
time I have to find the right words, this day of all the days in my life,
to help make sense of this". And, I will freely admit I was getting
just a little stressed, truly for the first time since this all started
(as anyone who saw me yesterday will know) - and we'd commented during the
first 2-3 days on how well I was managing to multi-task - for a man. But I
knew that the stress was the absolute last thing Steven would want to see
- he HATED it.
And you know, right then in my head, I just heard
Steven's words, said to me so often by him, and heard by many of you at
times... "Dad, take a chill pill".
I just knew that the words were not going to come to me that night. I needed sleep and I needed to recover so I took one of the few sleeping pills I've ever taken in my life, and then I was out to it.
Woke up this morning, less tired, but still not really any words. Ok, there's time yet. And it came to me, in the shower, one of the best inventions of the modern world for privacy and inspiration.
"Friends and Strangers"
Many of you will have heard the saying... "There are no strangers here, just friends we have not yet met".
That would be Steven "to a T". At so many of his parties, a zillion people would turn up, and almost without exception, if they were there, then Steven knew that if he didn't know them, someone else there probably did, so Steven would just bowl right up, get in their face with a cheery smile and simply say, "Hi..., I'm Steven". Simple as that. A potential barrier a mile high crumbles in the face of those three simple words.
A friend he had not yet met, Until then.
And if the timing was wrong, or someone had to be asked to leave, and I doubt we could count those times even on one hand, you can still be sure that before too long Steven would bump into them somewhere else, they'd laugh about it, Steven would simply smile that cheeky grin and say "no hard feelings mate, come around next time".
Another friend he had not yet met. Until then.
If you wanted to have Steven as an enemy, you would really have your work cut out for you. Because he was so forgiving, and just so totally laid-back. His example is worthy of us all following.
So, now that we know the nature of Steven, and what a wonderful guy he was, some of you will really be wondering how someone like that could be taken by a supposedly all-powerful, all-loving God, who could just as easily have prevented the whole thing. And then we even hit you with a song singing about How Great our God is?. I hope I can help you with that question in the way I've been helped.
Our family has had two very dear and special
friends for a long time, and some of you have met them. Lynn and Peter
Lemmon. And unfortunately they cannot be with us today, but Peter has
spent almost the entire rest of the week with us, preparing the order of
service, supporting us and we know they ache for us and our pain, and they
too miss Steven so dearly.
Peter knew that even though I was
already a Christian, I was asking the very same questions as you are, why
Steven, so young and full of energy with so much to give. Peter knew I was
struggling with guilt over things said or done in the past with Steven.
Right away, he told me, we do not have a God of petty punishment, and then
went on to put that into perspective.
I hope what he told me, and
the way I will re-interpret it here in my own words will help those of you
here that are struggling with the same questions and issues.
Peter
simply said, "Look at all the pain here, look at the lives Steven has
touched, look at how many people have been affected in some way. Look at
what he was doing, the friends he had made. However bad the hurt and loss
seems right now, so much better is the good and the gain that is going to
come from it. Can you even imagine a joy that is stronger than this pain?"
Those words really made me take notice. They weren't 'feel good' words, I
needed honesty and so do you.
God's Plan and
Lego...
God has a plan - he alone knows it - but let
me tell you it's a good one. And that plan simply cannot be understood by
any of us until it is finished. We are seeing it in progress. But for God,
it is already finished and it is absolutely perfect.
And
would you believe it, in a rare occasion of Steven actually planning
ahead, he's even left me something to help illustrate my point. How it
remained intact through all this is a miracle in itself.
Ever
since Steven was the smallest, he was right into Lego - and not just Lego,
but Lego Technic. He loved it. And many of you would have already seen him
building things. Here is an example.
Steven would just sit down, imagine what he wanted, and find the exact
pieces he needed to finish it, and make it work. And it would. Look at
this - a model of an engine with square pistons and it
works.
When he was building, he often used to ask me, "Dad
come and help". He thought I sometimes wasn't interested, uh uh. His
designs were so advanced, that they were simply beyond me. I'm a Meccano
kind of guy, give me drawings, nuts and bolts and show me which holes to
use and I can make it. Not so with Lego... I just could not imagine how it
would look, but Steven always knew.
So I would have to wait until it was
finished, and when it was it was so obvious. Duh. How could I have not
seen it would end up working perfectly.
I hope you'll see
where I'm heading with this. Steven was creating something, and while it
was in bits, it often didn't make sense, but he knew the exact part he
needed, and he would often spend ages finding the exact one he needed to
fit his design. He rarely had to change his design, he just had to wait
until the right part was available or ready. Sometimes I could see one
section he had finished, and another, but completely fail to see how they
could possibly work together.
God's perfect plan is just like
that. He knows exactly which parts fits where and when he will need them,
and he already knows the final outcome - and it's a good one, freely given
to all who will simply ask for it.
The problem some of us
have because of our human viewpoint, is that we are limited by the here
and now. We can only see those parts of His plan that have already
happened, and that are around us. God cannot reveal it all to us simply
because we are not yet ready to understand it. But it will be revealed to
every one of us, when our time comes.
So where does Steven
fit into this?, well before he was even born, God knew he was going to
need Steven for His plan. And he was made to fit that plan, just like each
of us are, at a certain time and place. And when God needs us at just the
right time, He will call us home. We know now that the part of His plan
that required Steven to fit came around 8 o'clock last Sunday night. We
cannot yet possibly understand HOW he has needed to use Steven, but we do
know this is WHEN God needed him.
And what Peter gave to me
while we spoke, was the insight that knowing the powerful impact Steven
has already had on everyone he ever met, you can be sure that whatever God
has in mind that required Him to take Steven now, it will be something
pretty awesome.
It could be that someone here will make a
life-changing decision, either directly or indirectly as a result of
having known, then having lost Steven. We just don't know. It could be
something that starts to happen tomorrow or yesterday, it might not happen
for 15 years. But God needs Steven with Him now, because he was the next
piece God needed. And I am so very grateful that God gave him to us for 22
years to love, and play with, and cuddle, and talk to, and I gladly give
him back, he was only ever on loan anyway.
Where is Steven now?
I know he has discussed issues of life and death during deep and meaningfulls with many of his friends that are here today, he's told me and I've overheard some of them
When Steven was around 8 years old (actually in hindsight he was more likely around 10), he attended a camp at Forest Lakes north of Otaki. When I collected him at the end, he told me that he had been given a chance to ask Jesus into his heart and that he had. In later years of course he would taunt me, saying "Come on Dad, I was just a kid". Trying to get a rise out of me - boy did he have that skill down to a fine art. But I would tell him, "Mate, God heard you. You were pretty smart at 8, you knew what you were saying."
So I would just ask him..., "Have you ever since told Jesus to get out again?" - and he was always silent on that one. But let me tell you this, that even if he had, the God I know would just have said..., "Nuh.., you think I'd ever leave you that easily??" But Steven still had to ask him into his heart in the very first place. God does the rest.
Will any of you get to see Steven again? - I
believe he's in Heaven but I won't know until I get there. And the only
possible way any of you will see him again, is to make sure you get there
yourselves - so please don't ignore God when he's trying to catch your
attention. He speaks to everyone one of us at some time, but still gives
us our free will, otherwise it would not really be a choice would
it.
God is not a stranger - He's a friend some of you have
not met. Yet.
So - in the spirit of how Steven lived his
life, there are no strangers here - there are just a heap of good friends
waiting to meet each other. Say hello. Remember those three simple
words were all it took. "Hi, I'm Steven".
I hope that Steven
helps make new ones between many of you today. He likes a big party. Sleep
well my precious child. My love for you hurts so much, and what I feel for
you, is but a fraction of what Gods feels for us
* * * * * Dad
Below are the words that Steven's Mum (Joanne) said for him... (she was always much better than me at getting straight to the point and her words have no less impact than mine)....
"I was very proud of my
handsome young man. I have been told that he has
touched the lives of many which is evident
today. I like to think this was a
result of the best parts of his dad and I, but I also need to
acknowledge his other family and friends for helping him become the
man he was. So thank you all who knew our
son and also those of you here to support his family.
Sleep well my baby.
I love you so deep it
hurts."
So much love by and for his Mum - this wonderful & touching picture says it all.